In today's
society, we encounter various phenomena that are often neither exceptional nor
new. A certain amount of social perspective, coexistence, and care has always
been present in our society, albeit in various forms. Well, perhaps we haven't
always talked about it or had the opportunity for confrontation. A woman is a
symbol of a mother who takes care of her family and provides for not only the
physiological but also the psychological and social needs of the family, even
within society.
A
modern phenomenon?!
Today, we are encountering a generally higher maternal age. The demographic
curve has taken a different trajectory compared to previous generations. Today,
a woman finds herself at the peak of adulthood between her own children and
parents who require care and assistance in daily life. Parents demand more
care, and children are still not sufficiently independent, or conversely, they
are adults themselves and have their own children—suddenly, a woman becomes not
only a daughter and a mother but also a grandmother...
Elderly
parents, adult children, one's own family... All of this is part of a sandwich,
along with its sides, where the main ingredient is the woman herself. Where
would it be without her?!
Sandwich
women, who are they and what are they?
Perhaps it's a title with a hefty dose of humor and exaggeration. In a
metaphorical sense, it symbolizes "women among family systems," where
their role is to ensure care not only for their children but also for other
family members. They are a generation of women in the period of later adulthood
(45-60 years). These women sometimes find themselves at the peak of their
careers, but they have children who still require a certain level of care. And
at the same time, there are their own parents, who have reached a certain stage
in life and may rely on the care of others—often, they require it precisely
from their daughters.
Lastly, there's the household and the husband. The woman is expected to be present, to help, to spend time with the family, to have intimate moments with her partner, and more. A woman, a mother, a partner, who works and is required to pay attention to multiple family systems, sacrifices herself and strives to meet the needs of everyone around her. In society and in a historical context, we bear responsibility for our life story. It's incredibly important to maintain a certain degree of egocentrism under all circumstances. In order to give others a smile, care, energy, and time, it's necessary for us to draw the same from ourselves. And that's through meaningful activities that are satisfying for us.
Until a
certain point, our needs are helped to be fulfilled by our parents. However, at
some point in their lives, they themselves become seekers of care for
themselves. It's natural that they seek help from their daughter-woman-mother,
the one who is the prototype of care, upbringing, and assistance. The woman
gradually becomes a responsible person on multiple fronts, beginning to forget
about herself. She struggles with feelings of responsibility, guilt, and values
that put her in a difficult position.
A
vicious circle, or a loss of self-worth?
Since ancient times, women have had a certain role in society. Mostly, she is
the mother and a significant element of care. She is strictly judged from all
sides—whether we're talking about upbringing, work, family, or friendships.
The
phenomenon of the sandwich woman isn't like placing an order at a hamburger
stand. However, at some point, a woman finds herself in a vicious circle of
caring for several family members. She takes on the responsibility for her
family, children, parents, who often subtly "blackmail" the woman
with words about how they cared for her whole life, and now it's her turn. Add
to that the pressure from the partner, children...
Consequences
or repercussions?!
A woman finds herself in an excessive and at the same time non-standard
carousel of life, where she expends a lot of energy for those around her but
forgets about herself. The consequences could be likened to
bio-psycho-social-spiritual attributes.
Biologically, it's a lack of sleep leading to irritability. Stress, constant hustle... This affects not only physiological mechanisms but also overall mood or reactions. Feelings of helplessness and failure often lead to depression, loss of self-worth: "I'm not good enough, I can't handle it..."
The social
environment is a perspective for us in everyday life, which not only evaluates
us but also constructively shapes us. On one hand, we want to look perfect,
dignified, and we bear the responsibility for who we are and how we are capable
of ensuring family functioning. The consequences of functioning above standard
with excessive expenditure of one's own strength often manifest to some extent
in the overall functioning of the organism, precisely in all mutually
influencing areas. Thus, on a biological, psychological, and social level,
which often surpasses value orientation.
How
to break free from this cycle?
In order to be a caring partner, mother, and support for our parents, we must,
to some extent, first take care of ourselves. It's not egocentrism but self-worth
and self-reflection. A person can function to a sufficient extent beyond their
abilities, but only for a certain period. Subsequently, physical and mental
exhaustion sets in.
Let's talk
about what we live by and what it means to us.
What does care bring us, which can be a source of joy at some point? It's
necessary not to forget that it can also take a lot from us.
Let's talk about what it takes from us. Where were we a year ago and where are
we now? Is this really what you want?
You're not alone. You have siblings, your own family. Can they help you as they
expect from you? Can they provide you with help, recognition, respect,
understanding?
Sometimes a
woman simply fears admitting that she can't take care of everything herself.
It's not failure but an admission that it's not possible to redistribute one's
personal life to the extent that we can fully dedicate our time to everyone.
Ask yourself: Is it my own family, work, friends, or my parents? Even parents
have the right to hear that it's beyond your capabilities. There's always room
for compromise, sometimes unfortunately using ultimatums. We respect our
parents, we love them as much as they love us, but we can't sacrifice
everything for them.
Today, it's more exceptional that multiple generations live together under one roof and largely share a common household and time.
Just as
elsewhere, prevention plays an important role here. Old age is a natural part
of life that none of us can escape. It's important to talk about it and accept
the possibility that someone other than our own children will take care of us.
There are day care centers, assisted living facilities... Often, the time spent
with parents when we don't have to rush from one shore to the other is much
more fulfilling.
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