How can I immediately tell at the beginning that
someone is a manipulator, and that I should avoid starting anything with them?
Recognizing
a manipulator at the start of a relationship can be very challenging. These
individuals are often charming, attentive, show affection, and seem like
perfect partners. I think a good strategy to determine if your potential
partner is manipulative is to express disagreement or a different opinion. If
they are interested in understanding your reasons and respect your opinion,
that's fine. However, if they try hard to convince you of their truth, it's
time to be very, very cautious, as you likely have a manipulator on your hands.
How do I know if my partner is a manipulator?
If
your partner tries to convince you that only their opinion is right and
disregards your perspective, if they insist on their way at all costs on every
occasion, they are likely a manipulator.
What signs can alert me to a manipulator, what
should I pay attention to?
Manipulators
appear very polite at first glance because they know how to gain the trust of
others. It's really difficult, as they can wrap you around their finger. Pay
attention to whether they can handle criticism or your disagreement.
How should I behave towards a manipulator?
Submissively or dominantly?
"Give
an inch, and they'll take a mile" – that's exactly how it will work if you
behave submissively towards a manipulator. Any display of dominant behavior
will likely be overridden. So, if you set boundaries, they will probably lose
interest in you. The question is, do you want to stay in such a relationship?
Can a relationship with a manipulator escalate
into blackmail, psychological harassment, or even physical violence?
Yes,
it is possible. That's why it's important to protect yourself from the
destructive influence of a manipulator. They are very "clever" at
hiding aggression and harassment behind a facade of games and entertainment.
Similar "games" are played in relationships, justifying violence by
claiming you provoked it.
What are the risks of staying in a relationship
with a manipulator?
A
relationship with a manipulator is destructive. It gradually undermines your
self-esteem, convinces you that their worldview is the only correct one,
persuades you that your family and friends have a negative influence on you,
and socially isolates you. A manipulator convinces you that you are responsible
for everything, and you should be grateful that they stay with you. A
manipulator is an energy vampire, and as long as they can draw energy from you,
they won't let go. Leaving such a relationship is very difficult, and in
extreme cases, it can lead to suicide.
Can the thought processes of a manipulator be understood
at all?
If
you are an empathetic, sensitive person, the thinking of a manipulator is
incomprehensible to you. A manipulator acts only for their own satisfaction,
regardless of others' feelings. It's a cruel and heartless way of thinking that
defies any sense of empathy.
Can you explain to a manipulator what their
actions cause and can they express remorse?
A
manipulator can apologize only if that apology brings them some benefit. This
often happens at the beginning of a relationship when they need to gain your
trust to make you dependent on them (emotionally, financially). Once they are
sure you won't escape, they start blaming you.
Can "speaking to the soul" help a
manipulator, or is professional help needed?
Talking
to a manipulator is about as effective as throwing peas at a wall. A
professional can help a person who recognizes they have a problem. That's the
crux of the matter. In most cases, a manipulator is not aware that they are
doing something wrong. Therefore, forcing a manipulator to see a psychologist
is a waste of energy. However, the victim should definitely seek professional
help. Escaping long-term humiliation affects self-confidence, and working on
regaining a sense of self-worth is crucial.
How to break up with a manipulator?
The
easiest way is to break up once and for all. Block them on social media and
your phone. Do not give in, do not initiate contact. Be prepared for various
manipulations, threats, and even suicide threats after the breakup. But these
are just empty promises.
What does a manipulator experience during and
after a breakup?
Probably
anger, hatred, and a desire for revenge. They feel that something that belongs
to them has stopped obeying. They can continue to harass and psychologically
harm you even years after the breakup.
Are we still in danger after breaking up with a
manipulator?
Yes. Often, we hesitate or fear reporting our ex-partner's behavior to the police. The problem is that a manipulator doesn't wait until they find a new victim to start their harassment again. There are cases where the ex-partner of a manipulator paid for everything with their own life.
The response came from Mgr. Jitka Kneslová, a psychologist from the Online counseling MOJRA.
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