Love is beautiful. When we fall in love, we feel fulfilled, happy, and loved. If our partner is initially charming and we feel like they understand us perfectly and would do anything for us, it's not hard to lose our heads and ignore occasional outbursts from their side. After all, they love us, right? When they occasionally explode, we accept all their excuses. We say to ourselves, "I probably should have done something differently to avoid making them angry." We easily disregard the warnings from our closest ones that they are not treating us the way they should, because you still see them through rose-colored glasses.
This is how many relationships with men (and women, but
in today's article, we'll focus on men) start, where charming princes can
gradually turn into aggressive and dangerous manipulators who will erode your
self-confidence, your perception of the world, and convince you that only their
point of view is correct. You'll gradually realize that it's pointless to
confront them because they would become aggressive again. When you submit,
you'll have peace. At least for a while.
No manipulator has their intentions written on their
forehead. These people can't love their partner; they only love themselves but
can mimic what their partner does. As a result, it seems like the man
understands you perfectly, but the reality is that he's merely imitating what
you do to have you wrapped around his finger. When he has you under his
control, his true face starts to show. Unfortunately, it's often too late, as
you may already be married or have children. Ending such a violent relationship
is challenging for a woman, and many never manage to do it because they fear
further conflicts, shouting, property damage, physical, and sometimes even
sexual violence.
No intelligent aggressor or manipulator will show their true face at the beginning of a relationship, or if their aggressive outburst occurs, they can even apologize. Later, there is no apology in sight; instead, they blame their partner for everything.
What types of women most commonly become victims of manipulators and aggressors?
Usually, it involves weaker women who are internally
insecure, often coming from families with disrupted relationships between
parents. As a result, the girl or young woman lacks a well-established
harmonious model from her immediate family, where she would have seen how a man
behaves towards a woman in a healthy relationship, and viuce versa. Sometimes,
this pattern repeats from generation to generation if the mother is in an
abusive relationship.
How does a partner's family react?
Some manipulators are so charming that they can play the
role of a perfect partner/spouse so flawlessly that the victim's friends and
family often find it hard to believe that the man is capable of behaving
inappropriately towards her. This leads to further doubts and self-blame on the
part of the victim, thinking that she must be doing something wrong when he doesn't
act this way towards anyone else, only her. Sometimes even the
"well-intentioned advice" from others can hurt the victim and make
her even more uncertain, as they hear from all sides to "give in to him,
he's not bad, he doesn't drink, he doesn't cheat on you."
However, some friends or family members may notice that
something is amiss and offer help to the victim. The problem with relationships
involving aggressive manipulators is that the manipulator knows very well how
to win back his victim, how much he needs her to prove his worth at her
expense. These men are capable of convincing a woman to return if she leaves
them; they can cry, beg, and even threaten suicide, which is very difficult for
empathetic women to reject, and they often return because they don't want to
feel responsible for someone taking their own life, someone who loved them and
whom they loved in return. This manipulative technique works very effectively,
and that's why even the people around, if they start to notice how the man behaves
towards the woman in public, don't understand why the woman stays with such a
man. Often, the manipulator manages to break his victim to the point where they
see themselves as bad and responsible for his behavior.
- When
a man yells at you when you've simply asked him for something, it's not your
fault.
- If a
man threatens to harm himself if you leave him or don't return to him, it's not
your fault. It's manipulation because these men care too much about themselves
to actually hurt themselves.
- If
you don't feel safe in the relationship, you don't know what to expect from the
man, but it's better for you when he's not at home, you have no obligation to
stay in such a relationship.
- You
can't change a manipulator, but life without them can bring you freedom, peace,
safety, and true happiness. It won't be easy, but it's worth it.
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