Being a mother is incredibly beautiful and exhausting at
the same time. Every mother experiences moments when she is in complete harmony
with her child, everything is great, they understand each other perfectly. But
parenthood also brings with it opposite moments. These are the times when a
mother is tired, sleep-deprived, and feels like a complete failure. In these
moments, many mothers start to doubt themselves and feel that they are not good
enough. Unsolicited advice from others often contributes to these feelings in
such moments.
Feelings of not being a good enough mother, along with
exhaustion during demanding periods, such as when a child is sick, teething,
has a tummy ache, or experiences other discomforts that they express, are especially
challenging for a mother or another close person who cares for the child the
most.
It is important to realize that no mother receives a
manual on how to react correctly in a given situation with their child. Every
child is unique, and every mother learns what their child is trying to
communicate with their cries and teaches the child that she is there to take
care of them, protect them, and teach them everything they will need in life.
Our children are born very vulnerable compared to other living creatures and
need a close person, primarily the mother, to protect them, teach them to trust
the world, and show them how to take care of themselves.
As a mother, I am convinced that no new mother needs
unsolicited advice on how to be, how to put their child to sleep, feed them,
let them cry it out, and so on. What a new mother truly needs to hear is how
exceptional she is, how she is caring for and shaping a little person, and how
she is their entire world, accompanying them through life from their first moments
in this world, teaching them everything about life, encouraging them with their
first movements, steps, sounds, and words.
Every mother who cares for her child or children with all
her heart and love should know that she is a GOOD ENOUGH MOM. No child needs a perfect mother who is always in a
good mood, always smiling, and trouble-free, because such a mother, in my
opinion, doesn't exist.
A real mother is a woman made of flesh and bones,
sometimes tired, sometimes irritated or dissatisfied, but always ready to give
even the last shreds of her energy to her child. A mother who gets up at night
for her sick child, reads the child's favorite fairy tale repeatedly because
that's what the child wants, watches their favorite fairy tales with them,
inquires about their friends and interests. A mother who is willing to do
anything to make her child happy and safe, so they can grow up feeling loved. A
mother who supports the child in discovering what they enjoy and what they
don't, who signs them up for an activity because the child wants it, even
though she might prefer them to be interested in something else.
A mother who accompanies and supports her child on their life journey,
so they can find themselves and discover who they are and who they want to be,
without feeling that they can't handle it. A good enough mother is caring,
protecting her children, but on the other hand, she gives them wings to
discover what they can do on their own. And she rejoices in their progress,
even if it means they will need her less and less until they become completely
independent.
Every child can be themselves, content, and happy if they
have a loving mother who supports them and teaches them to believe in
themselves while also respecting the rules they need to follow in life.
Every good mother sometimes needs to hear that what she does is enough. Her
child doesn't need a perfect mother but one who is as she is, with her love,
patience, and even the frustration that motherhood sometimes brings.
Can a single mother be a good mother?
Of course, yes. In most cases I know, I must say that a
single mother must be more than just a good mother because she's solely
responsible for raising and caring for the child. A single mother has a more
challenging situation because she doesn't have the child's father with her to
help with parenting together. Unfortunately, often such a father does just the
opposite, which is why I believe single mothers deserve even greater respect
and recognition for raising a child or children on their own, which is much
more demanding than parenting in a family.
And every father, even if parents are not raising children together, should
have at least a basic respect for the mother of his child, which should be
reflected in guiding the child to listen to and respect their mother. This is
the least he can do for her when she's taking care of the child alone, when
it's sick, when it's going through a period of rebellion, and during various
challenging situations that the mother must handle on her own.
Final advice: What does a mother need from us to feel that she is a good enough mother?
If you want to help a new mother, the most important
thing is not to give her unsolicited advice but, on the contrary, to ask her
what she needs and what would make her happy. Sometimes it's groceries, food,
or cleaning. Such help is much more valuable than unsolicited advice, which may
unintentionally imply that she's not a good enough mother. Because the opposite
is true. Every mother needs to know that she is a GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER FOR HER CHILD, THE BEST MOTHER UNDER THE SUN.
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